Definition
Self Esteem
=Immune system of Counsciousness
=Self efficacy + Self-respect
Self efficacy
= Confidence in the functioning of mind in their ability to think, descion, choose
= self trust, self reliance
Self-respect
= assuarance of their value
comfort in appropriately asserting my thoughts, wants, needs
feeling that joy and fullfillment are my natural birthright
높은 자존감
= 삶에 대한 태도가 자신감있고 삶의 목적이 뚜렷한 상태
예시
1. Focusing VS Non-Focusing
2. Thinking VS Non-Thinking
3. Awareness vs Non-Awareness
4. Clarity VS Obscurity of Vagueness
5. Respect for reality VS Avoidance of reality
6. Respect for facts VS Indifference to facts
7. Respect for Truth VS Rejection of Truth
8. Perseverance in the effort to Understand VS Abandonment of the effort
9. Loyalty in action to our professed conviction VS The issue of Integrity
10. Honesty with self VS Dishonesty
11. Receptivity to New Knowledge
12. Willingness to see and correct errors
13. Loyalty to the responsibility of Counsciousness
Factor of Self-Esteem
1) Rationality = resaonable =/= compulsive rule
2) Realism = respect for facts = recognition that what is, is, and what is not, is not
3) Intuitiveness = relatice to self esteem , 1) High Sensitivity 2) appropriate regard for internal signal
4) Creativity
5) Independence - full responsibilty for one's our goal, happiness
6) Flexibility - able to respon quickly to novelty
7) Able to manage change
8) Willingness to admit correct mistakes
9) Benevolence and Cooperativeness
The illusion of Self-Esteem
과시, 소속감, 의무 -> 가짜 자존감
자존감의 적
1. 게으름: antieffort: 노력을 안 하는 것
2. Avoid Discomfort
1) Living Consciously
Living consciously may obligate us to confront our fears, unresolved pain
2) Self Acceptance
We make real to ourselves thoughs, feelings, or action that disturb our equilibrium
It may shake up our official self concept
3) Self-responsibility
Obliges us to face our ultimate aloneness.
It demands that we relinquish fantasies of a Rescuer
4) Living purposefully pulls us out of passivity
into the demanding life of high focus
5) Living with integrity demands that we choose our values
Self Assertiveness
means honoring my wants, needs and values and seeking appropriate forms of their expression in reality
surrender to timidity that consists of consigning myself to a perpetual underground where everything that i am lies hidden or stillborn to avoid confrontation with someone whoes values differ fom mine or to please placate or manipulate someone or simply to beling
it means the refusal to fake my person to be likded
Self assertiveness means the willingness to stand up for myself, to be who i am openly to treat myself to be who i am openly to treat myself with respect with respect in all human encounters
감정에 울컥했으면서도, not bad라고 말하는 경우
자기 표현력이라고 해도 좋겠군
말하고 싶은 감정, 대화거리가 있음에도 불구하고 상황이 어색하거나 두렵거나, 불편해서 침묵을 지키는 것
Personal Integrity
Integration of ideals, convictions, standards, beliefs, behavior
생각, 신념, 맹세 등등 내면의 것과 말, 행동, 표현등의 외면의 것을 일치시키는 작업.
왜?
불일치시, 사람은 해리를 겪게되며 정신분열증상을 앓게되며, 여러 정신질환의 시발점이 되기 때문이다.
EXAMPLES
1. I'd tell people when they do things that bother me
2. I wouldn't pad my expense account
3. I'd be truthful with my husband about what my clothes cost
4. I'd tell my parents I don't believe in God
5. I'd admit it when i'm flirting
6. I wouldn't be so ingratiating to people i dislike
7. I wouldn't laugh at jokes i think stupid and vulgar
8. I'd put in more of an effort at work
9. I'd help my wife more with chores, as i promised
10. I'd tell customers the truth about what they're buying
11. I wouldn't sell my soul to be popular
12. I'd say no when i want to say no
13. I would acknowledge my resposibility to people i 've hurt
14. I'd make amends
15. I'd keem my promises
16. I wouldn't pretend agreement
17. I wouldn't deny it when i am angry
18. I'd make more of an effort to be fair and not just fly off the handle.
19. I'd admit it when others have helped me
20. I'd admit it to my children when i know i'm wrong
21. I wouldn't take supplies home from the office
Dealing with Guilt
1. The essence of guilt is Moral self-reproach.
2. Guilt always carries the implication of choice and resposibility
3. There can be no reasonable self reproach. Regret o, Guilt X
4. One of the most positive aspects of the wonen's movement is it's insistence that women think for themselves about who they are and what they want. But men need to learn this kind of independent thinking as much as women do.
Fully accept and understand
Take actions availiable minimize the harm we've done
Behaving differently in future.